There are some days when you wake up and find the world upside down. You shake your head and it’s like a hundred weights have somehow lodged themselves within the confines of it. You stretch your hands and they feel crooked and look crooked. You try to feel your fingers but all you come across is numbness.
You lift a foot and gingerly place it on the floor. That is when the pain sears through.
It ripples up through your legs, sears through your stomach and lodges itself heavily in the middle of the chest. You move, but it feels like you’re stuck in space, frozen vacuum outside and resounding silence within. You try to clear your head, gather your thoughts, but all you remember is pain. And hurt. Did they never leave you then? You can’t say. You run your fingers through your hair. It feels like running your hand through cobwebs. And yet that can’t be true. Wasn’t it just yesterday that joy was yours? When that moment of pristine happiness took you to heights of ecstasy. That moment of exhilaration that made your heart cry out in joy. That moment when the world was yours and every other trouble was a trivial speck of dirt that you could only just see like tiny little black ants marching away. That resounding silence within you that signaled not the tide of hair-clutching despair but flying-in-the-wind laughter. Flying on your joys, on mirth, on togetherness, on the silence of demons, on the dance of the angels, on the song on God. That rush of wind that didn’t take away the last stream of joy from you but brought with it the whiff of chocolate and family and love and everything else you cherished so much. Those heartbeats that didn’t point to the hourglass tipped on its side, the glass broken and the sand slowly all running out quietly yet determinedly, but pointing at that fresh little sapling that had looked up expectantly from the earth, like that bud of hope that sometimes peeps up through disheveled layers of agony. Yesterday you could feel yourself. Feel the blood pumping through your veins, hear your heart proclaiming in loud thumps your life, see the world smiling back at you through your soul, taste the sweetness of the rain that seemed to share your glee. And yet today you look at the mirror, and see someone staring back at you. With lifeless eyes, deaf ears, tasteless tongue, an unfeeling heart. The gut wrenching, stony silence that only the labyrinth of pain has to offer.
Some days when you wake up, you find the world upside down.